Goons of Doom @ the Cambo, 7th May

I wont lie to you, the Cambridge isn’t ideally my social scene of choice. But, when Goons of Doom are coming to town in what feels like the time I left the womb, you gotta cop what you gotta cop – even more so when the entry fee doesn’t cost you a dime. As much as my liver would testify, you can’t fight fate and me being able to afford another two schooners is a good start to the evening.

Surprisingly the place is circulating pretty early. Little did I know the first act is Dumb Punts. It’s not been long since these guys ventured to Newy and seeing as my integrity is already reaching new heights, I’d feel bad in lying that after a few too many bottles of wine that night, I don’t remember them stepping on stage at all.  This time however, it’s a set I can’t look away from. It’s obvious they’re at home on stage, even considering that they only came on the scene two years ago. They’re dishing out banger after banger, playing favourites like Hey You, it’s impossible to not be swept up in their incredible stage presence and  spin on good ol’ garage rock. Some guy is borrowing my glasses but I’m enjoying the set too much to care. The bassist is wearing a pink striped polo, Geelong socks, and a pink Lonsdale bum bag, accessorised to his pink mullet. At this point, even if I was watching this deaf, I’d give it 10/10.  I haven’t felt this stoked over the first set of a gig in months. Ten minutes over their set time and the aesthetically misplaced trio get kicked off stage after trying to play their last song, exiting with a quaint “nah we’re shit cunts not dumb cunts”.

Next is Bleach Girls. As far as I’m aware these guys from the Gold Coast are relatively unknown which is surprising, they are fucking awesome. It’s pretty hard to fault any band where their drummer is tearing up a surf punk storm whilst on vocals, and the lead singer is experiencing two guitar malfunctions in a forty five minute set, without the slightest detriment to their sound or performance. These guys are insane and bring a great energy to the table. My glasses are still missing, and the only thing I care about is the possibility of not being able to move tomorrow after how hard I’m dancing right now.

Finally, the legends themselves get up onstage and all hell breaks loose.  It’s not long before there are people climbing onto the barriers and jumping off the amps into the crowd. There’s a guy next to me swimming on the floor, a couple aggressively making out and falling over two metres behind me; the Goons are definitely in town. I’m standing next to the security guard, he gives up on keeping it tame just over fifteen minutes into the set. The four piece stay true to their rep of delivering a high energy performance, smashing out crowd pleasers like Kill The Band.  They take it way back to one of their best known, Fingered.  Luckily I don’t see anyone appreciating the song in its literal glory. The only slight upset is the lack of For A Girl on the set list which I was personally holding out for, but there’s no use trying to fix what’s not broken. After what seems like five minutes it’s the end of the night, Killerwhale is crowd surfing, my mate’s shoe is ripped off his foot and thrown on stage, and I’m walking out of the crowd to save myself from imminent death.  Thankfully I’m lead to the safe return of my glasses as the show comes to a sweaty close.

As I walk through the venue to sacrifice myself for oxygen, I walk past a guy who says, “for old guys they were pretty good”.

Fuck oath.


Photo credit: Adrian Thomson

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